My Nightmare

On April 29th at approximately 6pm, my boyfriend and training partner, Scott, was out riding his bike in Virginia doing a hill workout when he was struck by a vehicle making a left turn. The driver says she did not see Scott and so she pulled out.  Scott suffered multiple broken bones, injured his brain and lungs and was in a coma for a week. Scott was one of the least wreckless riders out there.  If you had said that one of us was going to get hit by a car I would have said it would be me.  Twenty-four hours after arriving at the hospital by helicopter, the doctors still could not say whether he would live or die.  They said at best Scott might wake up in 2 weeks (and the doctor said that would be a sprint) but the reality would be more like 4 weeks. Scott surprised them all by waking up in 1 week.  Now, 2 weeks after the accident he is trying to relearn how to swallow, speak and stay awake long enough to start some rehab. 

I, on the other hand, am just trying to live.  The day after the accident I blew
off my workout to drive down.  I sat in the hospital for 14 hours each day just holding Scott’s hand and talking to him and thinking… a lot…too much,
probably.  How important is triathlon? Did I even care about qualifying for
Kona? Did I care that the Mountain Goat race was Sunday? Did I even ever want to get on a bicycle again?  Finally, on Sunday, the nurses kicked me out the door and told me to go for a run.  How could I go?  I didn’t want to leave his side.  I didn’t want to run without him.  I didn’t want to finish and not be able to text him bragging about how great I felt or how fast I went.  But I did what they said.  I put on my running shorts…pulled the jogbra on over my head…put the hair in a ponytail…then laced up the running shoes.  And I felt good.  I felt like a runner.  I felt like an athlete.  This is what I do.  I looked in
the mirror and I heard Scott say get out there and run.  You’ve got a race to
train for.  It was so hard. But I did it.  When I got back I told Scott about
it.

Since then, I have cried so many times I am surprised that I have tears left. 
There is so much unknown and I am a black and white person.  I need to know the future NOW.  I don’t like things up in the air.  I feel I am being given the biggest test…I need to find patience…I need to find strength…I need to
have trust. 

What I am asking from all of you is to keep Scott and I in your thoughts and BE SO CAREFUL.  Be careful when you ride – wear your helmet, make eye contact with drivers.  Be careful when you run – leave the iPods at home, enjoy the sounds of nature, of people.  Most importantly, be careful when you are driving. 

I am going to take some time off from blogging – here and on trimom.com.  I may post once in awhile if I feel up to it but right now I am going to concentrate my strength and keeping myself healthy so I can be a good mom to Phoebe and Maggie.  And so I have the energy to pass this test.